"What is going on here?"
"We're all protesting the sex ed class that's being taught to our children"
...
"..The school board has voted to cancel your sex ed class"
...
"...It's because you're teaching those kids about condoms"
"What? That's ridiculous, these students have a right to information about safe sex
"These parents don't think so."
Part 2
"Sure sex is fun, but you can't have it before you're married, even if you use a condom. Because not only do condoms fail 100% of the time, but they're majorly unsafe. Hey, you wouldn't put a plastic bag over your grandmother's head, would you? And that's why we're going to be handing out these opal rings. These rings are a symbol of your commitment to refrain from sex until you're married. Who wants to be joyful? Who wants to be pure? Who wants to be abstinent?"
"Dad, look at the facts about sex!"
"'If you have sex, your penis will fall off and land in another dimension populated entirely by dogs, who will eat it.' Well, that changes everything!"
Part 3
"Mom, you don't understand - Doug & I are abstinent. But if we have sex in the ear we're still pure!"
"So remember, sex is bad, immoral and wrong. And, if you have sex, you're automatically in al-Queda"
"Kids, do not listen to this man. He is wrong. He is feeding you lies. Now look, it's true, you shouldn't have sex until you're ready. You should wait until you're in love. But I mean, hey, we're all human, huh? We all have urges, and they're perfectly natural. And if you do make the choice to act on them make sure you protect yourself. Use a condom."