Working Women & Divorce: My Two Cents

Thought I should throw my two cents into this debate about the Forbes article where in the author admonishes men from marrying women with careers.

The author's argument relies on a number of studies as well as some long-standing observations.  For example, career women are less likely to have children.  We know that women's education decreases fertility, something development agencies are capitlizing on.  Of course, education also increases income.  Therefore, educated women are more likely to have careers and have fewer children (due to the opportunity cost of those children).

Secondly, the author states that career women are less happy.  This is due to the breakdown in gender roles and expectations.  One cannot fulfill goals that one does not know of.  Without clear gender roles, it is harder to feel that one is successful.  Making one's own path is certainly the harder path, not to mention the increase in demands (children, home, job) upon career women.  Generally, the more choices a person has, the less happy he is with that choice.

So far we've seen that some of the arguments the author makes are totally rational, but not necessarily due solely to women, nor are they unexpected.  Next, the article goes on to deride the lack of support (increase in male illness), lower rates of home cleanliness, and increase in infidelity.  The rates of infidelity for women are approaching those of men because women are working outside the home.  Women's infidelity is not worse than men's, so it's infidelity in both men and women that is the problem, not women's infidelity.  Next, the problems with the marriage that are more about the relationship and shared duties, well, I have a hard time placing the blame on women for those.  These problems are mainly because the men in these relationship fail to step up - they still want to be coddled, and the center of attention, and be met at the door with a drink. 

The author's advice is great for men who want to continue to be selfish and immature.  But what the author really should have written is "Marriage is hard.  You are going to have to compromise.  And your wife is not your mother.  Not that you should take your mother for granted, but no one will ever care for you the way your mother did.  Don't expect that.  Be aware of how wonderful your wife is, because she will be out in the real world meeting men who are interesting and attractive and treat her with respect, so you'd better do the same.  If you don't help with the housework she will get frustrated and you won't have sex and you will have an affair, or she will be stressed and it will be bad for your relationship.  I'm writing this in simple sentences, because if you need this advice you are obviously simple."

Anyway, that's my take on it for now.
Check out feministe, feministing, echidne, pandagon and other great feminist blogs for other opinions

Comments

[Carol]

When a man is facing challenges, he will appreciate having a strong and capable woman by his side. My husband is glad that I help to bring home the bacon and cook it as well. We've been through tough times, and we stuck together. God made woman for a reason, and it's not just to procreate. We are the man's Helpmate. When we put our minds to it, we can do anything, including juggling many roles. We are Woman.

[john]

Seems as though almost anything can be worked through and dealt with IF it comes up during courtship.

It's the surprises that come out after formal commitment, be it a marriage or a business deal, that are so hard to deal with.

Pre-nups get a bad rap, but in this regard they can really help both people agree on what they think they are getting into.

[jane]

Despite a successful career, my 4 beautiful girls (below 10 yrs old) come above all else. I've struggled to maintain a balance w little help much less appreciation from my husband (who is a loving father but overly engrossed in his work, shares, politics, TV, and food). He recently asked for divorce. Huh?? I totally agree that most men dont understand the concept of shared duties. They still expect to be coddled despite the wife bring home equal share of the bacon. Grow up! The sad thing is, I'm the one here still trying to save the marriage.